I Wanna Tank (aka A Letter to the DoD)

(If the concept of satire is foreign to you, click here)

Dear DoD,

In looking over my tax records, it would seem I have contributed a great deal of money to programs that are related to national defense and security. Proportionally, more money is spent on national security than ever before. Now, I realize we had an attack eight years ago, but come on now; we both know that just the absence of another "bad thing" happening doesn't prove efficacy. 

Now I know you're not spending all of that money doing crazy things. I mean, I was going to spend a tax refund on a new television, but I'm sure you guys are much more intelligent than that. You wouldn't be spending it on outfitting surveillance units just to watch the people you're supposed to be protecting, of course. Oh, and also if you were, there's that whole matter of directionality. Trying to watch everyone doesn't work (ask England).

So here's what I'm proposing. I've been wanting to take a vacation up to Maine for a while now, but those roads are just too damn potholey, and rough. I think you could make up a little of the money I've been paying by letting me borrow a tank. Doesn't have to be a brand new one, or even a modern one. Hell, I could stand for you to remove the ammunition. Don't mess with the gun's outsides though; I want to do what you guys do and scare the hell out of people. Can't blame me for emulation, right?

Anyway, let me know what you think. Oh, and if I hit anyone don't worry at all. I'll say that they were a terrorist. Promise.